you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
