Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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