They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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