just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
