Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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