matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
