So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
