We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
