I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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