Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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