idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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