just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
