she was so not down for the gang bang
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
