My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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