You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
