Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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