if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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