What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How naked do you want me to be?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
