I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
