last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
