You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
