and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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