apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
