At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
