we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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