He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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