Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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