he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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