I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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