you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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