Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
