i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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