I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
