Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
