Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
