The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
