i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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