so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
