dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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