i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
