Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
