The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
