I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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