I will die if light touches me.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
