No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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