The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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