she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
