My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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