We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
