Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
