you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
