Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
